Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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