I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
did you just send me my own nude
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
