i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
