I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
COCAINE IS GR8
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His nipple licking is glorious
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