somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
