i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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