youre lurking in front of me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
