theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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