i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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