I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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