so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
