Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
