You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
