I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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