There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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