im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
