My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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