Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
