Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
