I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
