I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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