It's just like the Real World with babies
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
