Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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