If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
