I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
