Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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