Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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