She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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