Your tits are I can't wait for
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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