I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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