how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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