real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
