just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
