Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
