I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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