Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
