He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
