Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
