yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
