I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
