Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
