they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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