I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
