i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
