At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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