When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
