i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
