You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
