my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
