Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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