new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
