Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
