After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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