i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well you can't waste a boner
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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