Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
