dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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